The Unwanted Filter

Don’t you love it when you’re trying to text people and you really want to get your point across about how you feel about a certain situation or a person.  And everyone know’s the best way to do that is by the usage of curse words!  I’ve done a post in the past where I discussed alternative expletives, but now, I’m talking about the actual curse words.  You have to put them in the text because just typing them makes you feel better.  And then you press the ‘space’ bar and that’s when one of your worst enemies kicks in: autocorrect!

It automatically changes the word to something that sounds nicer, but lacks the same eloquence that your previous word have had.  So, you backspace and try again.  Sometimes it works, and you can spell the ‘correct’ word and get your point across.  Other times, it refused to acknowledge that ‘f*ck’ is the word you want to use instead of ‘duck’.  Another one is ‘shut’ for ‘sh*t’.  Then ‘mother trucker’ for ‘mother f*cker’.  That and ‘mother forklift’.  ‘Damn’ simply drops the ‘n’ and it becomes okay to use.

It’s very funny to watch your phone attempt to fix you as it adjusts your spelling.  Quite frequently, I will accidentally send out a text with the autocorrected word in it, and then send another text with the real curse word that I managed to finagle in there.  Look phone, just send the message I want to send, and don’t try to tell me what to say.

And on that note, it’s been real!

Bleepity, Bleep, Bleep: Curse Words for Everything

This is something fun that I found at least two years ago.  The Christian comedian, Tim Hawkins, did a skit where he gave Christians cusswords they can use without endangering themselves, yada, yada, yada.  I watched the video and legitimately laughed my head off.  Some of them were actually very close to the curse words they were replacing.  After the fact, I unconsciously came up with words of my own that I inserted at appropriate times.

Author’s List of Non-Violent Expletives for Every Occasion:

  • Frickety mackintosh!
  • Schnitzel!
  • Juniper!
  • Frick, Frickety, Frick, Frick!
  • Balls! (debatable, but definitely better than the alternative)
  • Bushel Britches!
  • Suckerpunch!
  • Pond Sucker!
  • Farts!

And there you have it!  Those are my Non-Violent Expletives for Every Occasion!  Whip em’ out whenever you really want to say something, but can’t say that one thing.  Hopefully, it will help alleviate the tension that always comes when people can’t properly express themselves through dirty words.

And on that note, it’s been real!