stupid people never cease to amaze me

One Truly Is the Loneliest Number

Everyone has done this before; they walk into a restaurant by themselves and sit alone. There’s nothing wrong with that, but as a hostess, my problem is when you ask for a table all to yourself. Awkward! I’m of the opinion that when you walk in by yourself, you go get a seat at the bar. If there are no seats at the bar, maybe stand for a bit until somebody gets up. Somebody always does, then the loner can take his seat.

Now, that in mind, don’t walk into a restaurant and ask for a table. Standing for a bit won’t kill you. On Wednesday night, I had a lone man walk in and there were plenty of seats at the bar, but he wanted a table. I tried to put him at a little two top in the corner where I like to put those odd parties of one who insist on having a table. However, he decided to be difficult and wanted another table that could seat four. Needless to say, I was irked. What a waste of a table on a busy night!

I’ve gone to plenty of places and sat by myself. The breakfast bar at Eaten’ Park, a regular bar at a restaurant after work; I never request to take a table away from couples or larger groups. But then, if you’ve never worked in the restaurant business, you don’t think of these things. However, that is why I’m writing this blog, to enlighten the unenlightened and tell them how to behave outside their natural habitats.

Take heed! Take heed! This is a public service announcement! Whenever you go to a restaurant by yourself, do not steal a table from larger groups. Go to the bar. The food will still taste the same there.

And on that note, it’s been real!

Customer Service – Catering to Stupid People

We all know that stupid people exist everywhere. Unfortunately, when God created humanity, he had a sense of humor, and created stupid people. The definition in the dictionary is as follows: the quality or state of being stupid. Last week at the restaurant, I was (once again) able to see how stupid and quite frankly, arrogant people are.

I worked at the dentist office from 8:30-5, so it was already a long day. From there, I spruced up a little and went to the restaurant. When I arrived, it was surprisingly busy. In the summer, our evenings are always hit or miss. I clocked in and began to check on everyone to make sure they were alright. That was when I found out that a woman at one of the tables had been making a fuss because of how her burger was made. One of our burgers comes with the person’s choice of Canadian or regular bacon. The lady told the server ‘no Canadian bacon’. De facto, it was now regular bacon. She needed to specify no bacon period, but she did not. Hence, it came out of the kitchen with regular bacon and she threw a fit. The waitress offered to have it sent back and remade several times, but she always refused. Finally, she was leaving with her party and she asked me if there was a place she could place a survey of her experience that evening. I told her that there was a little survey on the receipt. She said she filled it out and wondered if there was another place she could post a review. I said that there might be something on the website.

She then turned around and said that she and her husband were regulars there and the server was usually only okay, but tonight, she was bad. She also said she was even more upset because I didn’t apologize for what happened before I even arrived on the scene. I just bobbled my head and gave her a half smile, not even bothering to grace her with an answer. After she finally left, I went to clear the table and the server asked me what she had been talking about. I told her everything, including the part where she wanted me to apologize and I didn’t. Everyone else found out in no time and they asked me what I had to apologize for. “Not a damn thing,” I said.

Listen, I’ve been a customer to and I know I will keep being a customer long after I’m done working in the restaurant business. But even then, I know I’m not going to get in somebody’s face and make their life difficult simply because I’m the customer. That’s not how the world works. Look at it this way: the server has the power to help make your experience great, or to f*ck it to kingdom come. Don’t piss off the person or people responsible for that. Because you just might avoid something nasty in your dinner.

And on that note, it’s been real!

Don’t Throw the Gauntlet… Smack Em’ with It

So… some pretty stupid people crossed my path over the holidays and at school when I returned. As per usual, it was equal parts amusing and annoying. The Wednesday before Christmas wasn’t atrocious, but Friday and Saturday were a little crazy. There seemed to be quite a few large, walk-in parties. Nobody could be bothered to pick up the phone and check to see if we had room.

Oh, well! I went on a wait, which I always start out a little high on just so I can gauge how long people will stay and camp out. And of course, everybody and their mother (literally) has a problem with that. It was getting late and I saw many parties walk in and ask for larger tables, or for tables to be pushed together in order to accommodate them. Sometimes I could do that if the tables were in the same section, but I hated confusing the servers if the tables weren’t together. Anyway, I filled up and went on my wait. Close to 8:00 (and I was still buys), four people walked in: a middle-aged woman, two younger girls, and a younger man. They asked me for a table and I told them what the wait was. The middle-aged woman started giving me reasons why they needed a table… something about baking all day and being hungry, yada, yada, yada. I repeated what the wait was.

Then, one of the girls asked, “What about that table next to you?” This little table can be a part of my table where I work, but by itself, it’s a little two top.

“That’s a two top,” I said, stating the obvious. The middle-aged woman then turned her beady eyes on my table.

“Can’t we join that and sit there? I mean… do you need it?” I looked down at my little, itty, bitty work station, which was covered in menus, special sheets, seating chart, and wait list. It was literally covered in things and she wanted me to remove and find a magical place to put my stuff. I glanced up at her, my face

Stupidity Abounds

This past weekend while at the restaurant, I was once more amused by the stupidity of humanity as a whole. From where I am in the restaurant, I can see quite a bit of what goes on, so I can watch people doing all kinds of weird things. That, and I can exchange looks with my fellow coworkers as they wait for their drinks at the end of the bar. As I believe I have mentioned in the past, we found a place to put the sign so people can see it when they come in. When I arrive, I turn it from ‘Please seat yourself’ to ‘Please wait to be seated’. It’s right there and the only way you can miss it is if you failed to pass elementary reading.

This weekend, I had several people come in, look around, see me, and ask, “Can we sit anywhere?” or “Can we seat ourselves?” I don’t know… what does the sign say? It says ‘Please wait to be seated’. Some people are good, and they wait by my little area while I clean tables. Other people are bad, and they just wander around and plop down wherever they feel like. I love it when people ask me if they can sit at a table that is currently dirty.

I always say, “Give me a second and I’ll clean it up.” I go to clear it and when I get back to actually clean it, they’re already sitting there in the company of crumbs and spills. I almost wanted to walk away and let them sit there in the mess. I said clearly and anybody with two brain cells between their ears would understand that I wanted them to wait until the table was ready. Another funny thing that happened was I was cleaning up and two people walked in. I stopped what I was doing and walked over. “Can I help you?” I asked and they walked right by me. I muttered to myself and watched them go off into our little lounge area. I finished with my table and sat back up at my post, not bothering to bring them menus or inform the server. I would always claim ignorance if they complained. ‘Oh, but, they didn’t see me.’ The server came up a minute later to get menus.

She said, “Two people sat in my side of the lounge.”

I widened my eyes, a smirk played on my lips, and I said in a mocking voice, “Really?!” The server laughed. She knew I wasn’t directing that at her; I was directing that at them. I love it when people walk over to a place, and then they happen to see me.

One of them will walk over and say, “Oh… were we supposed to wait for you?”

Let me think… kind of, yeah. The sign is a dead giveaway, but apparently, you’re a few marshmellows short of a s’more.

And on that note, it’s been real!

DRAMA: Damn Repulsive Attitude Maintenance Adjustment

Apparently the shit has metaphorically hit the fan at work this past week. I went into work on Monday night, but suffered from a stomach cramp on Tuesday, so I didn’t go in. On Wednesday night, I went out for a drink with the receptionist I trained. We met at a local restaurant and she told me something that happened on Tuesday when I was out.

The assistant who is training me and one of the hygienists have not been getting along with the two front desk ladies, and had been talking about them behind their backs, and smiling whenever they dealt with them. I don’t like talking shit behind somebody’s back. I’m more likely to just ignore them entirely. Anyway, the dipshit one confronted her in her room when she didn’t have a patient and asked her what the problem was. The hygienist played dumb, and I wouldn’t have done that if I were her. I would have been honest and told her what the problem was. The receptionist mentioned the name calling and the general bad mouthing; but then she also mentioned the Facebook pictures she stupidly posted of her ‘vacation’. She said that we, the hygienist and I, tried to get her fired. The hygienist apparently started screaming, regardless of patients in the office. A dentist heard, and then there was a meeting downstairs.

I am grateful my girl told me advance, otherwise I would have been surprised going in last night. If anything was said to me directly or if I was dragged into a meeting, I’ll be sure to post something about it on Monday. If the moron receptionist tries to talk to me about the pictures and getting her fired (I think I know who blabbed about it too), I’ll be sure to give her a piece of my mind. And I hope she chokes on it.

And on that note, it’s been real!

Sarcasm: Medicine for Stupid People

Since I became a teenager, and started to mature, my little girl tendencies began to fade into a slightly jaded, sarcastic persona. The jaded aspect comes from certain events in my childhood and preteen years. When my family used to go to a Latin mass, my older sister and I were friends with two other sisters from another family. We had been ‘friends’ for a couple of years, when all of a sudden, both girls started ignoring us. I later found out it was because our parents and their parents had a disagreement and they told their daughters not to associate with us anymore. I was only a little girl, and I didn’t understand. It hurt and made me a little bitter. I became friends with another girl a few years later and one day, saw my old ‘friend’ trying to cut in on our conversation on the steps of the church after mass on Sunday. I turned my back and got in between her and my new friend. Without saying anything, I made my case very clear: she was not welcome.

We’ve gone to the same birthday parties over the years, and her and her younger sister have been invited. When we play games (and I win), the younger one always challenges my win. Once when she was really getting on my nerves, I said, “I would say something mean, but I’m afraid I’ll have to explain myself.” That promptly shut her up and sent her scurrying back to her rat hole.

There was also another family at that church that didn’t like us. The reason? My sisters and I are prettier than them. Not that hard to do when they all look like the Cabbage Patch babies grown up. Needless to say, being in the same choir with them was an interesting experience. They ignored us and we ignored them. Sometimes, the eldest would do something to us, try to order us around. My older sister kind of let her do it, but I wouldn’t. Once, when we were at a party to say goodbye to our old choir director, and were heading up some stairs to a open second floor, she poked me between the ribs with her nail. I stopped and took a step back, placing all my weight on her foot. I turned and said, “Oh, were you there? I hadn’t noticed.” She left me alone after that. She did something stupid that wouldn’t have gotten her anywhere. But, I didn’t say she was smart.

Now, as I have said in the past, you play nice with me, I will play nice with you. If I really like you, I will be your friend. Cross me, and I will bury you.

And on that note, it’s been real!

Happy Place

This past weekend, there must have been an Idiot Special at our restaurant, because a lot of idiots showed up. I was working overtime to not explode and kill somebody. First off, somebody came up with the smart idea of placing our sign out in the atrium instead of behind me, where people ‘mysteriously’ manage to miss seeing it every time. Now out in the atrium, I turn it around so that it says, ‘Please wait to be seated.’ It’s the first thing a person sees when they walk in. And they still choose to ignore it.

The one question you don’t ask the person who is clearly the hostess is, “Can we just seat ourselves?”

“Oh, sure! Go ahead! It’s not like I have a job to do here or anything.” That’s what I want to say at any rate. The rate that this question was asked this weekend was phenomenal. Everyone must have taken their stupid pills! There were also a lot of large parties this weekend and that of course put us on a wait for tables. Humans seem to have this nasty habit of challenging me when I tell them that we are on a wait. “The wait for a table of four is half an hour.”

“Thirty minutes?!”

“Yes, thirty minutes.”

“Are you sure we can’t just squeeze in-?”

“Oh, yes! I’m sure.” People do that to me all the time, as if I’ll suddenly change my story. I’d love to change the octave they’re currently talking at. With a swift kick between the legs. Then… there are the five tops. I just don’t get it. I can understand it if it’s a family with three kids; that makes sense. But when it’s five friends out for the night, I’m kind of like, “Who wanted to be the fifth wheel?” And then they try to finagle a table and add a chair, I’m like, “No.”

“But we can make it work,” they plead.

“And then you’ll complain to the server, and they’ll come up to me, saying you want to switch tables. Not setting myself up for that, *sshole,” I say under the simple, “I don’t have an extra chair.” I did actually have people I sat at a table when they were going to be three. They were right by me at the front and when I came back to my post, the woman leaned over.

“Hey, I have a request,” she said. I gave her the ‘really?’ look, but she continued, “Can you put us on your wait list for a table of… (has trouble doing basic math)… seven? We invited some people over.” Okay, first of all, that should have been the plan at the beginning of the evening, not a spur of the moment thing. I know, sometimes a friend says they can’t come, then a few hours later, ask if they can come. But, if you’re going to a restaurant and ask for a table for one number, then suddenly up that number on the hostess and your server, they are going to hate you. Needless to say, I gave the woman an incredulous look and she just gave me a stupid smile.

“Okay… it’s going to be close to an hour,” I told her. And I wasn’t just saying that to mess with her. I was on a half hour wait for parties of four or smaller. She was slapping me with a party of seven last minute. But as for the picture overhead, the reason for that was because on that same night, I got a four top while I was in the middle of my long wait. They wanted a low table for Grandma, and I gave them the wait. They didn’t believe the wait time, and I had to tell them in a dumbed down version. Finally, they said they would seat and in our lounge with a low coffee table and booth seats instead of regular chairs. First, the one man came out and asked us to turn the fireplace on in there. We still consider it sort-of summer in the restaurant business, and my manager was all against it. Afterward, I just heard the server complaining about how needy and demanding they were. When the ladies left, the two men stayed behind and grabbed my manager again.

“I don’t have a problem with you, but…” and everything before ‘but’ is bullsh*t. My manager took them aside, defended our position and they left in a huff. They did not acknowledge me when I told them to have a goodnight.

“And don’t let the door hit you in the *ss on the way out,” I mumbled to myself.

And on that note, it’s been real!