sarcasm – It's Been Real!

One Truly Is the Loneliest Number

Everyone has done this before; they walk into a restaurant by themselves and sit alone. There’s nothing wrong with that, but as a hostess, my problem is when you ask for a table all to yourself. Awkward! I’m of the opinion that when you walk in by yourself, you go get a seat at the bar. If there are no seats at the bar, maybe stand for a bit until somebody gets up. Somebody always does, then the loner can take his seat.

Now, that in mind, don’t walk into a restaurant and ask for a table. Standing for a bit won’t kill you. On Wednesday night, I had a lone man walk in and there were plenty of seats at the bar, but he wanted a table. I tried to put him at a little two top in the corner where I like to put those odd parties of one who insist on having a table. However, he decided to be difficult and wanted another table that could seat four. Needless to say, I was irked. What a waste of a table on a busy night!

I’ve gone to plenty of places and sat by myself. The breakfast bar at Eaten’ Park, a regular bar at a restaurant after work; I never request to take a table away from couples or larger groups. But then, if you’ve never worked in the restaurant business, you don’t think of these things. However, that is why I’m writing this blog, to enlighten the unenlightened and tell them how to behave outside their natural habitats.

Take heed! Take heed! This is a public service announcement! Whenever you go to a restaurant by yourself, do not steal a table from larger groups. Go to the bar. The food will still taste the same there.

And on that note, it’s been real!

Let It Snow! Not…

I actually did not know about the weather, or at least how bad it was going to be until night time, so when everyone was talking about not dying, I was all for that. I went to sleep last night, but set my alarm for 6:00 like I always do. When it went off, I checked my phone and saw that my teacher was not coming in to class today because of the snow and the ice underneath the snow. I was more than happy to go back to sleep until after 9:00. Then, I got summoned outside to shovel the very heavy snow on our driveway.

But, the good news was that school was basically cancelled for everyone today, and my two siblings are just chilling. They’re playing a computer game together and I am doing this blog post. It’s been so long. My school is still driving me crazy, my dentist has been needing me to cover for other assistants, and life in general just continues to throw curve balls at me. Yay!

I can’t do much more of this snow and cold though. It’s such a pain in the *ss to start my car fifteen minutes before I actually leave and scraping the snow off my windshields. Bundling up and still managing to get cold. It’s a beautiful thing to live in the northern states of America (not). I want to go south!

And on that note, it’s been real!

Texting Trauma

Now, everyone has those people in their lives, who insist on having everything spelled correctly, even in texts. No words can be shortened, no abbreviations that aren’t accepted in the unknown Guide to Abbreviations, no short cuts of any kind. In fact, the only word they might accept is ‘ok’. Otherwise, everything must be as if you’re writing an essay. I’m one of those people.

I mentioned several posts ago (still in 2017) that I met a guy and we’re basically in a relationship that this point. We text each other every day and see each other every weekend. Anyway, he doesn’t always take the time to spell things out or check to make sure the spelling is even correct. He’ll send me texts that are not grammatically correct, and I will text him back to correct him.

Sometimes, he says after he presses ‘send’, he’ll realize that something wasn’t right a few seconds before I correct him. It’s funny and I always find it amusing when he tells me that. I don’t just fix his grammar and sentence structure, I’ll do it to members of my family as well. Come on! Everyone family and group of friends has that person! Hey, any flagrant ill use of the King’s English is punishable by death in my house. Speak proper or don’t speak at all.

And on that note, it’s been real!

My Busy Just Got Busier

I find myself apologizing again to my readers for not writing. First, I accidentally posted something on Sunday when I meant to schedule it for Monday. Oops, my bad! Then, Monday was school and then I went in early to the office. We were busy from the moment I got there to the moment we closed. The same thing basically happened on Tuesday as well. It was a little bit crazier though. We saw a patient from hygiene, and that put us behind by a little, then two patients later was about 25 minutes late and we still saw him (which pissed me off), and then we were behind the rest of the night.

This morning, class was off the walls as people talked about random sh*t, my teacher disappearing when being summoned by my other teacher, and an awards ceremony (that always annoys me and is a waste of time). Needless to say, not a lot of stuff got done, and now I have a mere two hours to do stuff before I have to go to work at the restaurant this evening. Ugh! Too much! It’s too much! [Please come back later ——– Mental breakdown imminent ——– Holding ——–]

And on that note, it’s been real!

Don’t Throw the Gauntlet… Smack Em’ with It

So… some pretty stupid people crossed my path over the holidays and at school when I returned. As per usual, it was equal parts amusing and annoying. The Wednesday before Christmas wasn’t atrocious, but Friday and Saturday were a little crazy. There seemed to be quite a few large, walk-in parties. Nobody could be bothered to pick up the phone and check to see if we had room.

Oh, well! I went on a wait, which I always start out a little high on just so I can gauge how long people will stay and camp out. And of course, everybody and their mother (literally) has a problem with that. It was getting late and I saw many parties walk in and ask for larger tables, or for tables to be pushed together in order to accommodate them. Sometimes I could do that if the tables were in the same section, but I hated confusing the servers if the tables weren’t together. Anyway, I filled up and went on my wait. Close to 8:00 (and I was still buys), four people walked in: a middle-aged woman, two younger girls, and a younger man. They asked me for a table and I told them what the wait was. The middle-aged woman started giving me reasons why they needed a table… something about baking all day and being hungry, yada, yada, yada. I repeated what the wait was.

Then, one of the girls asked, “What about that table next to you?” This little table can be a part of my table where I work, but by itself, it’s a little two top.

“That’s a two top,” I said, stating the obvious. The middle-aged woman then turned her beady eyes on my table.

“Can’t we join that and sit there? I mean… do you need it?” I looked down at my little, itty, bitty work station, which was covered in menus, special sheets, seating chart, and wait list. It was literally covered in things and she wanted me to remove and find a magical place to put my stuff. I glanced up at her, my face

All Others Still Pay Cash

Every Christmas, the TV plays marathons of A Christmas Story, and we know most of the lines. We can recite them back and forth, and up and down, and side to side. What most people probably don’t know is that the movie was based off a book written by the narrator, Jean Shepard. It’s called “In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash”. It’s a funny book and many things that happen in it and in the movie are relate-able.

My dad will tell us about being chased by bullies and trying to avoid them at school. I sit there and think, “I shared a room with my bully.” My younger brother went through a hair pulling, back jumping phase, and I bore the brunt of it. But then, we just threw stuff into each other’s beds at night, and after I clocked him in the head with block I hid under my pillow, and that did the trick.

Everyone recall the Lifeboy soap? “It… it… it twas! Soap poisoning!” Yep. We all have had that moment after you get punished by your parents: this is when you’ve crawled away and are licking your wounds, you dream of the most unlikely scenario where they will be sorry they did it. And it’s so funny! You watch this movie and remember, ‘Wait. I used to do that.’

Then, obviously, the wanting that Christmas present so much, you literally scheme like Moriarty to get it. You know how it goes: you see it in a magazine, you circle it, bend the page, drop hints, and just beat around the bush. And if you really want it and it’s kind of expensive, you never get too old to do it. I want to go to a Sabaton concert in March when they are visiting Philadelphia. I told my younger brother to start making suggestions to do that as my birthday present this next year after Christmas. See? You’re never too old.

And finally, those awful presents you get from relatives that you aren’t overly fond of. My dad’s one sister got my elder sister and me these large dolls when we were younger. I have had dolls before, but they were all smaller than me and cuter. This one was the height and weight of my entire upper body, and she had an ugly expression on her face. Needless to say, I held her and smiled at my aunt, but immediately dumped the doll in a toy trunk the moment I got home. The doll was quickly forgotten and disposed until it was thrown out years later.

The movie certainly has many moments people can relate to and laugh at and nod their heads in agreement. But one thing we can all be sure about is that it captures the magic and hilarity of Christmas perfectly.

And on that note, it’s been real!

Tornado Pristine is Coming Through!

Ever since I was really young, I’ve always been a neat freak. I used to share a room with my two sisters, and the place would always be a pigsty in no time. The eldest was the sloppiest, with the youngest being slightly less so, and me being the perfectionist. Every couple of months, I wouldn’t be able to take the mess anymore, and I would kick them out of the room and spend an entire day (and then some) cleaning up. Stuff got thrown out and reorganized. If my sisters got annoyed that I got rid of something or moved something, I told them they should have done it themselves.

As the years have gone on, the cleaning has trickled down, but mostly because I’m too busy, and when I am home, I don’t want to do anything. However, if things start to really get on my nerves, I’ll actually tell my younger sister (the elder moved out) to clean up her sh*t and then I’ll get to mine.

I’m kind of trying to clean up now, but on a different level. I’m trying to sell some of my books an old anime on Ebay. No nibbles yet. If that doesn’t work, I’ll take them to the nearest Half Priced Books and get rid of them there. Make a little money and get rid of some stuff I’m not using. I always like the feeling I get after I clean up and make space anywhere in my room. Of course, the idea is so I can put something else there that I will use. But, I do like to leave it bare for a while, so the illusion of clean and neat stays with me. Too soon, my sister shatters it. There will be clothes on the floor, socks under the bed, exercise items scattered about, and shoes hap-hazardly spread around. Yep… that’s my roommate.

And on that note, it’s been real!

You’re in the Friendzone Now!

Now, everyone knows the word ‘friendzone’ and it is the most feared word by men. They never like to be told by a girl they think is cute that they’re ‘my best friend’. That is the most feared phrase. Guys honestly hate it more than just a straight up ‘no’. Everyone makes jokes about the friendzone, and the picture that was selected for this post was chosen specifically for that purpose.

Now, I actually only really have one, true girl friend. We met several years ago now, and have been buddies ever since. We’ve bonded over anime and being big sisters and tons of other things. Anyway, I actually have more guy friends than girl friends. When Girl’s Day happens, there are only two people there. When I hang out with my guy friends, I’m usually the only girl there. That being said, I get a lot of attention and I’m used to it. But, it’s also easy for me to see when I’m getting too much attention from any of them. Thankfully, one of them is my brother, so I don’t have to worry about that. However, the other guys were not related to me and I saw how they looked at me on occasion. That, and my brother is terrible at keeping a secret.

He came to me to tell that a couple of our guy friends asked him ‘what my deal was’ and ‘if I was in a relationship’. Those usual questions. My brother told them the truth, and only encouraged one of them. However, it’s been a while since I’ve been propositioned by one of my guy friends. Until now. Last week, I got a text from a friend of mine, whom I’ve had a falling out with. He said we needed to hang out and I responded with, “Yeah, both my brother and I haven’t seen you.” I don’t really feel comfortable hanging out with him by myself anymore. So, he finally asked me if he could ask me a question (I know, I know). I said he could and he asked if I could envision the two of us dating in the future. I politely told him no. Because I’ve met another guy, who did not start off in the friendzone, and he’s got his future more on track, and he’s also bigger than me (my friend isn’t). It just didn’t feel right to me. I’m sorry if he liked me in that manner and I didn’t like him, but at least I came out and said it instead of ignoring his efforts and constantly calling him a ‘friend’.

Truth hurts, like jumping on a bicycle without a seat, but it needs to be said.

And on that note, it’s been real!

I’m Exhausted!

I don’t know what it’s been about writing and work and school and life lately. I feel tired and rushed. The answer might have something to do with the Christmas (shopping) season arriving, but I think it is also partly because of my hap-hazard existence right now. I feel so tired very early in the evening and I want to cry at times during the day. And it’s not even because something’s annoying me. I’m just… I don’t know!

Although, my eye whatever came back and the eye doctor said it’s not pink eye. I have bumps under my eyelids from some kind of allergic reaction and that’s what causing my eyes to have that ‘pink eye’ like symptoms. Am I allergic to waking up? I could believe that.

My work is tiring me out because the receptionists are quitting and the insurance and billing coordinator is quitting, and they asked me to cover the front desk in the evening, instead of me working in the back with my doctor. Which pissed me off, but I agreed only until the end of December. I sent a higher up an email informing them of this fact. We’ll see if she is ‘offended’ by my standing up for myself, and we’ll see if this gets me in trouble.

I think that’s all coming together to make me more tired, an angry, and just… over it. What can I do to help myself?

And on that note, it’s been real!

A Hostess’ Perfect Restaurant

Business seems to have picked up with the arrival of the colder weather and the start of the season where every company decides to have their Christmas Party around the same time. It is at times like this when I plan the perfect restaurant: basically the restaurant where every customer does exactly what I saw, sits where I put them, and keeps their mouth shut. Here is my perfect restaurant…

Force field – this force field would surround my little area, and nobody can leave that force field without me escorting them. This force field would prevent people from walking to a table and seating themselves when I’m not there.
Electrified seats – electrified seats would be in place in case people moved from the bar to a table without seeing me, or moved from one table to another because the first table ‘wasn’t quite right’.
Sign-triggered door – the sign-triggered door is where the door will not open until the people see the sign in the atrium that says ‘Please wait to be seated.’ Once it acknowledges that they’ve read it, the door will open.

Thinking about things like this helps me cope with the fact that the bulk of humans who walk into my restaurant are incredibly stupid, but then they have the audacity to look at me like I made the mistake. One of my favorites is when people walk in and just stare at me after we greet each other. You know what they’re waiting for? They’re waiting for me to magically read their minds to gauge how many are in their party.

I took an extra shift at work on Wednesday night, and I had some funny encounters that had my coworkers chuckling to themselves. First, I had a woman about my height come in and I sat her at our higher half booth, half tables. Now, I’m petite, so I’m about 5ft 5″ in height. A few minutes later, she came up to me and said, “Can we move to another table? My friend and I are short, and that’s not comfortable.” I sighed (inwardly), sat her at a lower table and went to tell the server.

When I found her, I said, “Sorry I double sat you; but apparently both her and her friend are hobbits.” It took the server two seconds to get the reference and she started laughing. After that, I had a man walk in when all my tables were occupied. I told him it would be a little bit of a wait, and watched to see when a table would get up. A little while later, his wife and son arrived and he told them what I had said. Immediately, his wife started looking around to see if there was something open. Two tables had just gotten up at that time, and I was cleaning one of them off. A server told the lady to wait for me, but she either didn’t hear her or chose to ignore her. You see me cleaning a table, right? Patience is a virtue! After that, I had three really young men walk in and seat themselves at a table instead of waiting for me. One of the bartenders and a couple of the servers all laughed when they saw me sigh and roll my eyes dramatically. Needless to say, I went back to my post and did not get them menus. Ah ha! The hostess strikes again! Never assume that a hostess is evil. Merely assume that she is tired of having people try to (indirectly) tell her how to do her job. Speaking from experience, it gets very frustrating.

And on that note, it’s been real!