Bleepity, Bleep, Bleep: Curse Words for Everything

This is something fun that I found at least two years ago.  The Christian comedian, Tim Hawkins, did a skit where he gave Christians cusswords they can use without endangering themselves, yada, yada, yada.  I watched the video and legitimately laughed my head off.  Some of them were actually very close to the curse words they were replacing.  After the fact, I unconsciously came up with words of my own that I inserted at appropriate times.

Author’s List of Non-Violent Expletives for Every Occasion:

  • Frickety mackintosh!
  • Schnitzel!
  • Juniper!
  • Frick, Frickety, Frick, Frick!
  • Balls! (debatable, but definitely better than the alternative)
  • Bushel Britches!
  • Suckerpunch!
  • Pond Sucker!
  • Farts!

And there you have it!  Those are my Non-Violent Expletives for Every Occasion!  Whip em’ out whenever you really want to say something, but can’t say that one thing.  Hopefully, it will help alleviate the tension that always comes when people can’t properly express themselves through dirty words.

And on that note, it’s been real!

PTSD – Post Traumatic Sunday Disorder

I think everyone can say that Saturday and Sunday are the fastest days of the week.  Hands down.  Why?  Because are normally the days when most people actually have the choice to do absolutely nothing at all!  I write mostly.  On Saturday, I did cave and go get a pedicure, which was SO relaxing, and a frappe from Panera.  It was wonderful!  I went to work that night, but it wasn’t busy at all, so I got to go home after an hour of being there.  I came home and spent the evening with my younger sister doing absolutely nothing.  It was nice.

Sunday (for me) always has an air of depression about it.  Because I know I have to go back to work the next morning, so I have squeeze everything I want to do (or not, as the case may be) into this one day.  However, Sunday morning soon gives way to Sunday afternoon.  And on Sunday afternoons, I get dragged away from my writing to assist with dinner.  Now, I like to eat and I like food.  Probably wouldn’t be able to tell if you saw me though, because to most people, I look like a recovering anorexic.  But, I’ve made salads for my family so many times that I honestly can’t stand the thought of making another salad.  I’ve sliced through my nails and had to endure the smell of onions, all to give my dad his salad.  I’ve started digging my heels in when it comes to salads to the point where my mom has actually stopped asking me if I can make them.  Yay!  My evil plan worked!

So… after I’ve basically done everything but the meat, it’s time to eat.  Once eating is done, guess who’s got the kitchen?  Trick question.  After the kitchen is done, it’s time for bed and the evening is done and gone.  That is why I have diagnosed myself with PTSD: Post Traumatic Sunday Disorder.  I also have Post Traumatic Salad Disorder, and another kind, but that will be a story for another day.  So, last night was pretty much the same thing that I explained above.  Except… I DIDN’T HAVE TO MAKE THE SALAD!!!  😀

And on that note, it’s been real!

The Game of People

Alright, if the title is anything to go by, yes, I watch Game of Thrones.  Me… and the rest of the world.  Certain aspects of the characters intrigue me, and I’ve noticed that I behave similarly, depending on the situation at hand.  Now, one thing you, the reader, must remember is my golden rule: I cannot stand stupid people.  I hate dealing with stupid people at my doctor’s office and at the restaurant.  These are the type of people who put square pegs into round holes, and get mad at me when they don’t fit.  It’s equal parts funny and infuriating.

At the dentist, people miss appointments pretty much every day.  Hey!  Shit happens!  I understand.  What I don’t understand is when they don’t call and tell me that they aren’t coming, and then they get mad when I charge them according to our office policy.

“But I didn’t get a reminder call from you!”

“Ma’am/sir, I called you myself, twice.”

-cue the crickets-

“But I didn’t get a reminder call!”

Square peg… round hole.  I’m laughing on the inside.

At the restaurant, it is slightly different.  I once had a couple walk in and the young lady said, “Table for two, but we’ll be having two more.”

“So you’re a table of four.”

A pause so long, you could have walked the length of London Bridge.

“Yeah.”

Okay, step back, child, before you hurt yourself.

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Pretty much that picture in a nutshell.  If you’ve watched Game of Thrones, which character does that remind you of more…?

And on that note, it’s been real!