I’m Batman! No, I’m not. I’m Sick

I just did a post about me being sick a few days ago. Well, I’m still not out of the woods.  In fact, the woods are still thick around me.  I went to sleep one night a day or two ago, and woke up at 1:30 in the morning to a very wet left eye.  I grabbed my eye drops, went to the bathroom, and saw my pink eye AGAIN!  I was so mad.  I couldn’t go to school that day and I had a test, and several quizzes to take, and I had homework to turn in.  I was righteously pissed.

My nose continues to drain, but doesn’t clear up.  I feel like a clogged drain that only allows a few drops to get through at a time.  On top of that, I got smacked in the face with a wall of steam from dinner several days ago, and burned my one nostril.  But, with my cold, I keep rubbing it every time I try to make it easier for myself to breathe.

When I looked at myself in the mirror, I thought I was looking at somebody who might have lived in medieval Europe, and was suffering from a crippling disease.  I had patches under my eyes, red corneas, a red and irritated nose and chapped lips.  And a gravelly voice.  At least I had that, right?  I can order my siblings around and sound intimidating.  Until they tell me I sound like I’m gargling marbles.  Then, I start rattling off Batman lines so they can laugh at me, and I can laugh at me.  A little bit if self-deprecation prevents arrogance.

I can only hope that with the complete destruction of my eye makeup and sleep masks, the pink eye will go away.  I can only hope that using Vix will nix my cough and cold.  After that, I can cross my fingers, knock on wood, and pray to a higher power that I don’t get sick again (with anything) for a very long time.

And on that note, it’s been real!

Call Me Later; I’m Dead

I really seem to get sick easy.  No clue why that is.  I got sick about a month and a half ago with chills, scratchy throat, runny nose and feeling like my head was about to explode.  It was not fun.  And even after my other ailments had been and gone, I still had a runny nose for at least three weeks after that.  Again, NOT FUN!

So this past Sunday evening, my one nostril started running.  I was all like, “This again?!”  I went to bed that night knowing I was going to be sick the next day.  Sure enough, I woke up at 4:30 with a head that was full of built up pressure, and a full-on dripping snozel.  Oh, joy!  Anyway, I still got myself out of bed at 6:00 when my alarm went off, and dragged my *ss to school, did that till after 1:00 in the afternoon, then came home to study, then went to work at 5:00.

One of my coworkers, when she found out I was sick, asked me, “Why are you here?”  In the nicest possible way.  I worked, shivered, blew my nose, and was more than happy to come home when everybody was done.  I ate my mom’s famous rice and beans, took a hot shower, swallowed a Motrin, and crawled into bed like a slug.  My sister kept telling me to just to call my teacher and tell her I was sick.  I said if I was still feeling sh*tty the next day, I would go in, be miserable (without being b*tchy), and have her send me home after she had marked my attendance for the day.  See?  I would like people to know that I at least put the effort in.

However, I was feeling marginally better when I woke up the next day.  I actually slept well through the night, and felt well enough to go to school, do my prophy competence, do a large bulk of homework, and try to start our scheduling program without the shivers of the previous day.  I did, however, still have that pesky, waterworks nose.

And on that note, it’s been real!

Dr. Google Will See You Now

The Internet is equal parts informative and idiotic.  You can learn new things from looking it up on the Internet, and other times, you just make yourself a little more stupid.  Not going to lie; I’ve looked up something on the Internet, made a statement about it, and was made a fool of when I was corrected.  I have since learned to be more discerning and find out from multiple sources whether it is the truth or a misconception.

Now, what I find particularly hilarious, is when patients walk into an office, and say they have this certain ailment.  The assistant or the doctor asks them why they think they have that.  “Oh, I looked it up on Google.”  … crickets …

Do you have any idea how stupid you look to the doctor when you say that?  Incredibly, powerfully, monumentally, and insanely a few plums short of a pie.  That kind of stupid.  Google is a wonderful place.  But may I also remind you that it was the building block for Tinder, Tumblr, and a whole slew of other sites most people would like to forget they were ever a part of.  So… the next time you are feeling ill, and want a ‘first opinion’, don’t go to Google.  Unlike your doctor, Google doesn’t have a Ph.D.  Okay, maybe it does.  But it actually stands for ‘Published Health Distortion.’

And on that note, it’s been real!