And Keep the Change!

Christmas is now in three days and I shall bid you all adieu until after New Year’s.  I have plans with my family and I want to devote all my free time to that, as well as some writing for other things that I need to do.

I’m sure the rest of you all have plans and only so many hours in a day without taking time out to read my little blog.  I hope to come back in the new year with a fervor and passion that should make people laugh, nod their heads in agreement and say, “What?!”  Writing should resume on 1/2/2018.

And on that note, it’s been real!

Twelve Days of Christmas: Restaurant Edition

Sing along if you know the tune (and you should).

On the first day of Christmas, my restaurant gave to me: (And) A whole pile of crockery!

On the second day of Christmas, my restaurant gave to me: two broken glasses!

On the third day of Christmas, my restaurant gave to me: three cussing cooks!

On the fourth day of Christmas, my restaurant gave to me: four winging waiters!

On the fifth day of Christmas, my restaurant gave to me: five bar patrons!

On the sixth day of Christmas, my restaurant gave to me: six reservations!

On the seventh day of Christmas, my restaurant gave to me: seven seat themselves!

On the eighth day of Christmas, my restaurant gave to me: eight unlit candles!

On the ninth day of Christmas, my restaurant gave to me: nine call aheads!

On the tenth day of Christmas, my restaurant gave to me: ten draft beers!

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my restaurant gave to me: eleven drunk diners!

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my restaurant gave to me: twelve open checks!

And there you have it.

And on that (musical) note, it’s been real!

All Others Still Pay Cash

Every Christmas, the TV plays marathons of A Christmas Story, and we know most of the lines.  We can recite them back and forth, and up and down, and side to side.  What most people probably don’t know is that the movie was based off a book written by the narrator, Jean Shepard.  It’s called “In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash”.  It’s a funny book and many things that happen in it and in the movie are relate-able.

My dad will tell us about being chased by bullies and trying to avoid them at school.  I sit there and think, “I shared a room with my bully.”  My younger brother went through a hair pulling, back jumping phase, and I bore the brunt of it.  But then, we just threw stuff into each other’s beds at night, and after I clocked him in the head with block I hid under my pillow, and that did the trick.

Everyone recall the Lifeboy soap?  “It… it… it twas!  Soap poisoning!”  Yep.  We all have had that moment after you get punished by your parents: this is when you’ve crawled away and are licking your wounds, you dream of the most unlikely scenario where they will be sorry they did it.  And it’s so funny!  You watch this movie and remember, ‘Wait.  I used to do that.’

Then, obviously, the wanting that Christmas present so much, you literally scheme like Moriarty to get it.  You know how it goes: you see it in a magazine, you circle it, bend the page, drop hints, and just beat around the bush.  And if you really want it and it’s kind of expensive, you never get too old to do it.  I want to go to a Sabaton concert in March when they are visiting Philadelphia.  I told my younger brother to start making suggestions to do that as my birthday present this next year after Christmas.  See?  You’re never too old.

And finally, those awful presents you get from relatives that you aren’t overly fond of.  My dad’s one sister got my elder sister and me these large dolls when we were younger.  I have had dolls before, but they were all smaller than me and cuter.  This one was the height and weight of my entire upper body, and she had an ugly expression on her face.  Needless to say, I held her and smiled at my aunt, but immediately dumped the doll in a toy trunk the moment I got home.  The doll was quickly forgotten and disposed until it was thrown out years later.

The movie certainly has many moments people can relate to and laugh at and nod their heads in agreement.  But one thing we can all be sure about is that it captures the magic and hilarity of Christmas perfectly.

And on that note, it’s been real!