Okay, remember how your teacher always says, “There’s never such a thing as a stupid question”? Well… She was lying. She just said that to spare your feelings. Stupid questions are normally asked by stupid people. I am discounting children because they are children, and still have much to learn. But, we should be surprised by the enormous amount of stupid questions that are asked by adults. Sadly, we aren’t.
At my doctor’s office, stupid questions from grown ups are exorbitant. Almost to the point of idiocy. Oh, wait… it’s already there. Our office is very busy, and I very, very, VERY rarely have room in my schedule for a walk-in. But, I get them often. Sometimes they are new patients, who have an ’emergency’, and need to be seen immediately. Please understand that doctors are very busy people and as I mentioned above, very infrequently do they have time to deal with walk-in Schmoes. Now, maybe that’s because I’m at the front and I rule my land with an iron fist. Apparently, a few years before I came along, our doctors would see the off-the-street nimrod, and throw off their schedules for the rest of the day. Look at it this way: if they were meant to see every man who happened by, then schedules would be irrelevant.
I love when I’m on the phone, and I get people saying, “I just need the doctor to check my bleeding gums. I don’t need an appointment for that, do I?”
I blink a couple of times, restart my brain, and refrain from saying, “On what planet is that okay?!” One day, a patient’s mother was complaining for her child, and said she needed an appointment as early in the morning as possible. I said, “Sorry ma’am, but the earliest I have is (such and such a time) with (Dr. Lecter).”
“Oh, that’s not early enough.”
“Well, that’s the only one I’ve got.”
“Can’t the doctor come in early?” NO! No, no… no… and… NO! The doctors come in according to the hours they’ve set for themselves, not whenever you ring your little bell, Queen Victoria! One of the straws that broke the camel’s back, was a patient who cancelled her appointment, and wanted to reschedule. These people are always the worst, because they cancel last minute, then they want the unattainable slots: early morning, or late evening. She cancelled her appointment, and I honestly told her that availability for an evening appointment was slim to none, and she was looking at rescheduling her appointment in another six months.
“Well, can you move somebody else and put me there?” Are you retarded?! Were you born with a silver spoon in your mouth as well as your *ss?! I firmly told her that I could not do that. “Oh, well somebody did it for me once.”
“Well, I can’t.” She hung up in a huff, but I did not let her intimidate me. I get asked stupid questions at least a couple of times a week, and they annoy and amuse me in equal parts. That’s how close I am to either laughing or crying.
And on that note, it’s been real!